A kaleidoscope of color greets you as you slog your way through your morning commute, umbrella swirling every which way, as people duck, bump, and raise to get past one another, but what you choose to raise over your head says a lot about what’s IN your head.
No umbrella since Mary Poppins has been quite as famous as the yellow umbrella in “How I Met Your Mother,” as in “The Girl With The Yellow Umbrella” — but what about all the other colors? Maybe your umbrella will lead to the love of your life. Or maybe just turn itself and your life inside out at the slightest breeze.
Which umbrella is yours?
BLACK: You’re practical, no-nonsense, just need to keep the rain off. You’re also average. At least don’t be like this woman and forget to click the umbrella completely open. Nothing worse than a sagging umbrella.
PATTERNS: You’re a tourist, or a real Francophile. You’re showing off where you’ve been, or where you wish you were. It’s a bit hokey, but it keeps the rain off. Don’t be too bummed if you lose your Parisian souvenir in a blast of wind, though!
FIRST REPUBLIC BANK: This one is easy. Guess who just got free checking!? You’re frugal, or you forgot to plan, but again, hey, free checking!
CLEAR HALF-SPHERE BUBBLE THING: This may be the most expressive umbrella around, and if this is your choice in a rainstorm, you have a few different scenarios.
a) You have PERFECT hair, and need to keep it that way. TV anchors, celebrities, power execs, and fashion models, you look marvelous.
b) Just the opposite: You’re a dude, and could not care any less about how you look. You like having a plastic windshield as you walk, so you don’t bump into things, and can keep your tie dry.
c) You just left your grandmother’s house, and this is all she had.
GIANT: You’re either a school marm running a preschool and keeping 20 toddlers dry on a field trip, or have delusions about parachuting off a second floor holding nothing but your Regis University parasol.
RAINBOW: SAN FRANCISCO: You make a political statement every time it rains. Rainbow power! EVERYWHERE ELSE: You’re fun and colorful, and probably also run a preschool.
WHIMSICAL UMBRELLA: Dude: You just left your girlfriend’s house and didn’t realize it was going to rain today, and she had a free umbrella from that convention last year.
LEOPARD PRINT: You’re totally into leopard, and probably have matching panties too.
SOMEONE ELSE HOLDS YOUR UMBRELLA: Such is the condition of so many people under 5’6″, or those annoying couples who can’t walk down the block being all wrapped around each other and see no need for two umbrellas. Or, you’re the pope.
NO UMBRELLA: A rebel, a renegade, a maverick: You don’t have time for such contrivances as silly things to hold above your head. You power walk, dodging the raindrops, and keep your hands free for a fistfight, a smart phone, or to save a puppy from a city bus. Or you’re really umprepared and you have umbrella jealousy right now.
YELLOW UMBRELLA: You’re in an episode of “How I Met Your Mother.” Did anyone ever track the ownership on that thing? Never has an umbrella taken on such a life of its own. You go Mosby! And Robin, better find an umbrella.